Babes in Toyland (1997 Film) - 'A Crooked Man' Song
"A Crooked Man" is the villain song of Barnaby sung in the 1997 animated fantasy film Babes in Toyland.
Lyrics
Barnaby: (Spoken) There's nothing the matter with me. I'm not the problem, I'm never the problem. It's everyone else.
(sung) I live in land of nincompoops
I curse them everyone
So feverishly devoted to their laughter and their fun
I never had fun or laughter and you see I turned out fine
That's why my little scheme is so divine
Candlesticks: (sung) Oh, what a crooked man as Barnaby
Barnaby: (spoken) Ah, yes.
Candlesticks: (sung) There's nobody more unscrupulous then he
Barnaby: (spoken) Oh, thank you, so much.
Candlesticks: (sung) We agree that he's a miserable gent
They say he's very soul is bent.
Barnaby: Each winter I'm filled with nausea
Imagining (ugh) the toys
Constructing threatening quantities
For screeching girls and boys
This holiday they'll discover
Only the rug beneath the tree
Because I'll destroy that blasted factory
Candlesticks: Oh, what a crooked man as Barnaby
(Cat meow)
Candlesticks: It's kinda if he's immorally eschewed
(Cat meow)
Candlesticks: True affection tends to make him very ill
For hatred is his greatest thrill
Barnaby: Oh, yes I'll crush the toys to rubble
Burst their little bubble
Make this jolly land a place they want to leave
I'll fill the streets with quicksand
Santa's sleigh with bricks and
I'll have myself a merry Christmas Eve
(Cat Screech)
(spoken) The clock is ticking my little factory. Your days are numbered!
I'll rid them of every play things
Oh it thrills to my bones
No Red Rubber Balls, No Dainty Dolls, No Tiny Telephones
I did without such rubbish, why should everyone miss one
We'll live in a toyless world at last. HOO-RAH.
(spoken) Hit it, boys.
Candlesticks: (sung) Oh, what a crooked man as Barnaby
Barnaby: (spoken) Indescribably.
Candlesticks: (sung) There's no point of view more venomous then his
Barnaby: (spoken) You're so quick to notice.
Candlesticks: (sung) Tis no lie that he's a truly nasty guy
He never had a toy that's why
Oh, what a crooked man as Barnaby
Barnaby: (spoken) Undeniably!
Candlesticks: (sung) There's nothing more warped than his philosophy
Barnaby: (spoken) Not even remotely close!
Candlesticks: (sung) We can plainly see why he's his only fan
(spoken) What a snotball!
(sung) That Barnaby is a Crooked Man