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|“||♪So much to do in Cartmanland, but you can't come. Especially you, Stan and Kyle.♪♪||„|
|~ Cartman about Cartmanland.|
Cartmanland is a newly open but isolated namesake amusement park located in Colorado, U.S.A., and it is owned and inhabited by Cartman who dreams of having both a $1,000,000 and his very own theme park with no lines at all. It is featured in the titular episode "Cartmanland" of the South Park cartoon show.
HistoryUpon the death of his grandmother Mabel Louise Cartman, Cartman himself recently inherits $1,000,000. Delighted beyond belief, Cartman makes an offer to buy an amusement park, North Park Funland, from the park's French-American owner Mr. Frank Fun, having always wanted a park all to himself without having to wait in lines. When he hears of Cartman's good fortune, Kyle comes down with a stress-induced hemorrhoid, which becomes increasingly worse as Cartman's fortune increases. After an ad about Cartman's theme park comes on TV (informing people that no one will be allowed in, which business analysts wrongly believe to be "the brilliant 'you can't come' marketing technique"), Kyle and Stan attempt to sneak into the theme park. Unfortunately, Kyle pops his hemorrhoid on the barbed wire fence, infecting the sore and almost killing him. He has to go to hospital. He renounces his faith completely, and his parents' description of the trials of Job does little to assure him, only resulting in him believing God is even worse.
In the hospital, Stan tries to reassure Kyle that nobody can enjoy an amusement park alone, but Cartman is shown to be having considerable fun. However, after the incident with Stan and Kyle, he is forced to hire a security guard, and to get the money to pay his salary, he agrees to let in 2 paying customers a day. More expenses begin to pile up, though, with broken rides, food, utilities and such, and Cartman ends up having to let in hundreds of people per day. Regardless, the park ends up becoming incredibly successful, as the fact that more and more people were slowly allowed in when Cartman absolutely had to.
In the hospital, Kyle watches a news broadcast which tells him that the park is incredibly successful and making lots of money, and it praises Cartman for being such an amazing businessman. He abruptly suffers from temporary heart failure, and though he is resuscitated it becomes clear that he is losing his will to live.
Meanwhile though, Cartman is furious that his park is completely full. He sells the park back to its original owner for a profit. However, his money is promptly taken to pay off the IRS and a lawsuit by Mr. and Mrs. McCormick, as Kenny died on one of the roller coasters (though in Cartman's defense, he was standing up when he was supposed to be seated). He also owes an additional $13,000 for attempted fraud which he cannot pay. He frantically tries to buy the park back from the owner so he can pay it off, but the owner won't resell due to the parks' new-found success.
Stan gets the idea to bring Kyle down to the park, where they observe that Cartman is extremely miserable and frustrated; more so than if he had never acquired the park in the first place. He throws stones at his old park, but his old security guard sprays him in the eyes and puts him in horrible pain. Observing this justice, Kyle regains his faith and desire to live, his illness is put into remission, and he recovers almost instantly. He awakens and, seeing Cartman's misery, realizes there is a God who cares after all.
The following is a list of known attractions in Cartmanland:
- Adventure Island - An island in the middle of a lake with wild animals, complete steamboat cruising around the isle.
- Bumper Buggies - A bumper car ride which is simply and solely used by Cartman who hates people bumping into him with their bumper cars.
- Haunted Manor - A dark ride where a buggy goes through a haunted house with ghosts and other scary creatures popping out to scare riders.
- Java Jam - A ride consisting of spinning giant model coffee cups.
- John Denver Experience - A ride where people sit in a facsimile of a plane, attached to an arm with a counterweight. A lever slams the plane against the ground multiple times before finally slamming it into a pool of water.
- Mine Shaft - The first roller coaster set inside an artificial mountain. The loading area is inside the mountain, and the track goes within the mountain and outside. an on-ride camera takes photos of riders.
- Tornado Twister - The second roller coaster that splashes into water.
- The Yeti - a log flume that is set inside an artificial mountain complete with a yeti monster.
- Cartman complains about the lines at the amusement parks in almost the same manner The Grinch complains about the Whos' celebration of Christmas in the animated version of Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
- Also, Cartman contradicts himself in this episode. Here, he claims to completely hate lines, however, earlier in the episode "Cow Days", he suggests to the gang to ride the "Line Ride" and was actually the one who enjoyed it most.
- ◾At the end when Cartman states that he hates lines, the colors get messed up like it did in "Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus".
- Cartman states that owning a million dollars is a lifelong dream of his. However, on several previous episodes, he is shown attempting to get 10 million dollars (and what he intends to purchase with this was never made clear).
- There is a ride at Cartmanland called the "Haunted Manor". This may be a reference to the 2 Disneyland rides Haunted Mansion and Phantom Manor.
- One of the reasons given for Cartman's money and park being taken away is "that little boy who died on a ride". To this, Cartman replies, "Who, Kenny? He dies all the time!" This implies that Cartman is aware of Kenny's repeated deaths prior to Season 6.
- On the ride in which Kenny dies, the child sitting next to him has brown hair and a red hat, but on the ride photo, a child with black hair can be seen sitting next to him.